On anger and arguments

When I start to feel angry at my wife and I see an argument brewing, I often stop to ask myself "what is the cost of the argument, and is it worth the cost?"  Generally, when I look at it this way, I discover it's not.  So often, the underlying issue is something trivial, and the damage done by the argument can be enormous, especially if it escalates.

Sometimes I try to think of some way of addressing an issue without turning it into an argument.  For example, the other day I noticed that my wife had not cleaned the pans she had used to cook her breakfast, leaving them for me to deal with (again).  I thought about confronting her directly, but whenever that happens, she immediately twists it to be about something she had done for me, making me into an ungrateful dick.  So instead, I took a sideways tack.  As I was cleaning the kitchen I looked over at the pans and said "didn't I just clean those yesterday?"  Somehow, that got the point across without it becoming an argument.